I learned a very important lesson today: sometimes it takes nearly losing everything to make you realize you were never really fighting for any of it to begin with.
But let’s rewind a bit, it’s story time. Tuesday night I was talking to my dad about investing, finances, and making the jump into the stock market. The lengthy conversation ended in a hug, a quip about my savings account, and how proud my father is of me.
But the very next day that same savings account nearly disappeared as the result of terribly unwise financial undertakings. I watched my ticket to a Brooklyn apartment slip away dollar by dollar and it was all my fault. I nearly cried. But then I realized something mighty quick: I wasn’t fighting tooth and nail for this supposed “dream” of mine anyway.
It is much easier to sit on the curb and gaze up at the stars wondering what it is like up in the great and vast unknown than it is to strap on an astronaut’s suit and hightail it up there to see for yourself. It is much easier to wallow over a bowl of coconut milk ice cream while catching up on last night’s reruns than it is to tirelessly examine yourself, forge your own path, chase down your dreams, and take an active role in writing your destiny. It is much easier to roll around in material comfort than it is to deny yourself the instant gratification. And it is much, much easier to curate a life on blogs and Pinterest boards than it is to actually create it.
Yet when you’ve begrudgingly settled into these easy moments, this passive existence, it takes something novel to wake you up. Let’s use nearly losing the entire footing you’ve scraped together for your future and promptly realizing that you were never doing all that you could to make it happen as an example. When you are steps away from losing everything, you realize that it is possible that you were never truly fighting for any of it to begin with.
But then, you start.
My Life is Greige 